I thought about a conversation I had today…Profound silence is not something I fall into easily and I suppose wisdom would more readily transpire if only I could keep my mouth shut. When I’m excited I become the habitual chatterer. Too often in conversations I interrupt the speaker, it’s not that I don’t like what he or she is saying, it’s because I get carried away by the energy of the conversation itself. I have to confess that each time I jump right in and add my thought right over someone else’s I’ve outright and probably diluted what the speaker was trying to say to me. So, silence remains one of my biggest challenges and I apologize for rudely interrupting…energy made me do it…
I can’t sleep. I am over stimulated by my thoughts tonight. I reflect on what is outlived in my life today. I’ve known that holding onto to something for a long time ruins it, as does clinging to old ways, outdated ideals and lifestyles that have run their course. By the way we were is not the way we are and why would anyone still want to hang onto those parts that have lost their zest? Certainly familiar is comforting, easy enough answer…None of us can control the way life passes us, we can only adapt as it goes by. Then, I think about Buddhists and their goal to exist completely in the present, which is a grand idea, but a difficult one for someone who tends to daydream about the future, because she wants immediate answers to questions. Logic tells me that to achieve such presence depends on idleness, another challenge for me—since I prefer motion and doing.
I think about my children, would I want them attached like the barnacles to an old conch shell? Would I want to have raised children who had no interest in flying to coop? No. I am proud of my children and their thirst to forge original lives. One thing I know, a mother can never outgrow her love for her grown children, even in light of what an Jungian once said, the intimacy she once shared over time becomes noting more than simply “hope for loved strangers.” I believe that raising a child, if you do it right, it’s the only relationship that will end in separation. Mothering remains a vibrant memory, but in truth is was but a fleeting moment—
I’m feeling warmed by a few embers of courage that seem to be coming from my thoughts and sleep is beginning to overcome me…
3 comments:
You running off at the mouth is one of your most endearing things I know about you! The days you do a chive silence are the days I worry the most, because I don't have a christal ball to look into that pretty little head of yours. So my friend.....Keep on talking!
Words are sometimes like verbal diarrhea. They run away from our brains and out of our mouths. Drip down our clothing to pool on the floor at our feet. Where we promptly step in them making a mess no one wants to clean up.
OX
For all who read The Constipated Woman,to read!
Monica's family of four left Houghton Lake years and years ago, their children was so small. Our family's relationship had just started to blossom when they packed there belongings and moved away.
As years had flown by we had lost touch. One day I opened my e-mail and there was the lady I have missed for so many years, her words popped up and out off the screen twisting them selfs once again around my heat.
You see I have very rarely had friends that we could share a couples friendship with but Mike, Monica, Craig and I had developed a bond of a life time, one that the distance of time and miles could never brake.
This woman, our friend has no ideal the power of love she holds in her hands. She may have her falts ... No I stand corrected. She has her falts, but with those falts they have developed the lady Monica is today.
One that loves with all her heart, one that holds much on the inside, one that will do what is needed to help a friend but not expect any thing back and when her kindness does reflect back she feel unworthy to receive it.
Monica if only I could put in words what you have done to help me the world would see the lady of love I see.
As you all know already from reading my comments I am rotten at spelling.
When your mouse runs in the corner to cower because you have used the spell check so many times he is exhausted and the screen automatically flashes "No Suggestion" before your finger gets the chance to click on it... your bad at spelling.
When You have more words under lined with little red squiggly marks then ones that that are not...your bad at spelling.
When you look up the word invation in the dictionary under E and don't under stand why you can't find it ...your bad at spelling.
When you hit the delete button instead of the send button because you are embarrassed that you have more red high lighted words the black words...your bad at spelling!
I am guilty of all the above. But it wasn't until this angle of a woman reminded me that she may be able to spell and type ten thousand words a minute (she can catch a speeding bullet with her teeth too!)and that she hads to take her shoes off to count on her toes up to the number eleven,( well maybe its twelve.)
That I realize its not being perfect at things that count, but that I try. And that by showing my short comings they may encourage someone else to step out of their little box.
I thank You my friend.
P.S. Every thing I write is a labor of love, these few simple words have taken me 2 hours and 22 minutes to type and Monica sets so pashionatly by the computer wating for me to complete each line!
OX
Well said!
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