Letters from Grandma...

“A drop of ink may make a million think.” Lord Byron


I am the historian, so to speak, for my husband’s side of the family, and I share the responsibility of collecting facts with another family member for my ancestry tree. My husband inherited a handcrafted suitcase, for lack of a better word, which was filled with postcards from family members who my husband never knew. My father-in-law kept those memories tucked securely inside, since they were the only memories he had left from his brother who was killed in WWI to his parents, his grandmother, his brothers, and his cousins. He was he was a sentimental person and guarded these mementos with great respect, which I have the privilege of doing so now. The postcards depicted the holidays for which they were sent, Valentines Day, Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Beautiful vintage cards that I pored over for hours at many different times through the years, imagining what life was like for the Sharpe family over a hundred years ago.

Several years ago, I had my husband’s family tree printed as a Christmas gift for his sister. A few weeks after we flew home from the West Coast, she called me and thanked me for the effort of doing such extensive research. It made her very aware, that if she didn’t not write down stories about her grandparents, that time and those memories would be lost forever with her passing. Her children and grandchildren would never know how she loved to comb her grandfather’s beautiful white hair, or know about his love of flowers as she and her sister helped him in his garden. Her words made me think. It made her think. We both had the realization that we both needed to write down the stories our parents told us about their parents. We talked for a long time and proceeded to tell each other some stories about some very funny incidents. So, now when I look at the aging sepia and black and white photos, I can put a pleasant incident with many of the faces and feel a part of someone who is no longer a stranger to me.

I have written many stories about my childhood, about my parents, and about my relationships with each of my siblings. I want my children to know about the times that made me happy and the times that made me cry. I want them to know I am not a perfect human being, but even though I did my best, I still made mistakes. I hope that my grandchildren would read the stories and say, “I’m not the only one who feels this way,” when I too, have had my heart broken and know what it’s like to be young and in love.

I haven’t forgot the silly stories, like the time my cousin, Marcy and I sat fishing at the edge of our dock for an entire afternoon, when we were ten years old. We sang silly songs at the top of our lungs while the fish nibbled at our toes. We laughed, we swam, and eventually we dragged our sunburned bodies and the wash bucket filled with three-inch perch back to the cabin, only to be told by my aunt they were too small to cook. Yes, it may not seem poignant enough to document, but it was a memory that makes me smile when I think about it, and it’s one to share, proving I was a kid too, once upon a time.

The stories go on and on. It only takes a few minutes to write a memory and paint a scene so vivid, your reader will feel your words. And, what a “treasure” it would be if it were handwritten! So, what are you waiting for?

Thank you, Sally!

The picture posted with this blog is my grandmother, Delia and her eldest son, Emery.

On Writing Letters...

"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain." ~ Jim Morrison

How many times have you ripped open a letter from a far away friend, only to be disappointed when you read the last line? Most letters consist of a few hastily scribbled sentences that tell you absolutely nothing about what’s going on in the writer’s life. When was the last time you wrote a letter from your heart? Maybe, it’s because you didn’t know how to start.

Drop the formal address you learned in grade school. Instead of “Dear Jane,” write “Hi Lady,” or what ever nickname you had for your friend. If you want to get her to laugh at the opening line, write something like, “Hey there wonder woman,” and if you want her to smile, “Hello, my dearest friend.” In other words, be yourself. It’s your personal greeting. Start your letter by asking how their life is going, not the boring, “How are you?” but something that lets them really know you are interested in their life.

By now, you should have two or three paragraphs. Let’s face it, you probably can’t wait to get into the “meat” of the letter. Meaning, people are vain and want to talk about themselves. That’s when you jot down a few things of mutual interest about what you’ve been doing. But, don’t go overboard, no one really wants to hear about your mundane teeth whitening appointment, or the growth behind your ear that’s been getting bigger for the last 10 years, good Lord! Your reader will certainly roll their eyes and shake their head, and maybe even wished you didn’t write in the first place (just kidding)!

The last paragraph should, if possible, remind the recipient of something the two of you have in common. This keeps the bond between you strong. Perhaps, you went to the same high school together. You might mention you ran into a mutual friend at the grocery store, or, have shared a camping experience together. You could tell them how much you have missed the good times you had together at your favorite hangout.

Finally, end your letter with a friendly phrase, making it more personal to the reader. After all, we are talking about personal letters. “I am so looking forward to hearing from you, Janie,” is much better than “Yours Truly.”

Stay with me, all this may sound a little corny, but I am trying to make a point…seriously!

Then, there’s the apology letter. They say 'to err is to human' and we are all humans. Therefore, it's normal for us to make mistakes and hurt someone's feelings knowingly or unknowingly. It might be something that we say, or something that we do, which hurts others. It could have been an incident from the past or one from the present.

Sometimes we do not feel bad, when we know that the person deserved it, but sometimes we feel really bad, when we realize that it's totally our fault that the other person was hurt by our behavior. We want to say sorry to that person, but although we can easily say sorry to some stranger, or to someone who does not mean that much to us, saying sorry to someone whom we really love and who means a lot to us, is the most difficult thing to do.

It made me reflect on all the things I said and wondered why I opened my mouth and inserted my foot so many times. It also made me realize what I lost and why I am guilty of holding grudges. I’ve seemed to do a lot of this recently. Apologize. To quote the wise words of someone I care very much for, “Without the “loss,” there could not be a “found.”

Those words explain why today, I truly have smiled and felt the warmth of the sun on my face. ~M