...Have you had your daily hug?

 

Her voice was soft and tender; they looked into each other’s eyes when I heard her say, “Walter, am I your bliss?” My cousin didn’t know I was around the corner when she said this to her spouse of fifty-five years. “Always,” he whispered back, confirming it with a gentle kiss. These two very special people hold hands wherever they go even if it’s in their garden. If they sit at the table over a morning cup of coffee, Walt will instinctively reach for Fran’s hand and pat it lovingly. And, the affectionate fixation of their eyes on each other over a shared Frosty, I know they see themselves as forever young.

I think it’s just amazing how a simple loving touch could effect change and could make the world a better place. My cousin also practices reiki healing. She is teaching me how essential touch, and the energy from touch has in healing properties. I have always realized how touch affects me and therefore, I have become a hugging type of person. I’m not a hug-a-holic mind you, and yes, I try to size up the person beforehand, body language being the usual indicator if someone is a willing recipient, or if they stiffly straighten their transparent, “Don’t touch me,” sign. Once, there was a particularly awkward moment (fortunately, I can only think of one), that I have ever been told by a relative, they didn’t liked to be hugged, “Not by anyone!” (My internal reaction was, “Exxccccuuuuuusssse me! What kind of a butthead doesn’t like to be touched?”) But, I politely apologized, smiled, and extended my hand, which was accepted with a hearty handshake. Whew!

Hugging, for me was a gradual transformation. My mother was a very affectionate person and when I was a teenager, I wanted to break loose of that bond, you know, the independence thing. One snowy afternoon, my sister, my mom, and myself were dancing and goofing around in our living room, when all of a sudden mom put a bear hug on me. My first reaction was to push her away, and out of my fifteen-year-old big mouth, I lashed back by calling her a queer. The words were out, too late to take them back, and to this day, I will never forget the shocked look on her face. I made her cry. Instead of saying I was sorry, I too, was shocked what came out of my mouth and ran to my room slamming the door behind me in shame. Today, I look back at that spiteful incident, and know it was an outburst of rage prompted by a prior unresolved incident. Unfortunately, I took it out on the wrong person. Several years went by after that adolescent eruption, I never apologized to my mother until a couple months before she passed away, when I laid next to her on her bed with her arms around me, and this time, we both cried.

The older I get, I have noticed how skin hunger/touch in any form is a sad, growing epidemic in our society. The elderly and disabled are at the greatest risk of being neglected, due to living in isolated homes and do not venture far from home from fear of victimization. Families are living further away in different states or countries keeping them from being close to their loved ones.

I read recently that the United States is known for being one of the lowest on the scale of touch or intimacy, and blames it on three trends. The first being technology. Yes, we can communicate with anyone at any time around the world, but it also dehumanizes physical interaction. Secondly, families live disconnected lifestyles because of urbanization and the loss of extended family. More families include careers for both parents, leading to less interaction with children. Children are taken to daycares in lieu of having a grandparent care for the child. Third, we live in an extremely litigious society, where touching someone can be deemed sexual harassment.

It’s hard for me to believe the United States rates at the bottom of the list when we have come to recognize the human touch as a healing mechanism. The healing-touch can be found in therapeutic massages, the most well-known and accepted method of healing sore and injured muscles. It is also known for reducing overall pain and engendering a feeling of relaxation and spiritual well being in the receiver. And, for those suffering from skin hunger, a massage may satisfy cravings. People live longer and happier lives if they receive a warm touch from a friend every now and then. A pat on the pack, squeeze of the hand, or a gentle hug can heal ailments and make both you and recipient happier.

Your hands are your body's second eyes, they allow you to experience and interact with the world. Through your hands, touch is sight. It allows you to perceive texture, shape, and form. Touch is important for survival. When a baby arrives into a strange world, he or she makes sense of our surroundings through our skins. An affectionate touch told us the world is safe, secure and a warm place to live, much like our mother’s uterus. Touch comforts us physically and mentally. Touch is the first sense to develop in the womb and the last sense to leave in old age. I don’t know who it was that stated human beings need four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance and twelve hugs a day for growth, but, I tried to enforce it with my kids and I thank God they never pulled away!

Touch is a fundamental requirement of life, and I hope if you’re reading this, you will reach out and give your loved ones their required amount of hugs for the day! Just think of it as another essence and quintessence of life!

May the good Lord take a likin’ to you today and bestow you with many hugs!