...The Circle...

“The Circle has healing power. In the Circle, we are all equal. When in the Circle, no one is in front of you. No one is behind you. No one is above you. No one is below you. The Sacred Circle is designed to create unity. The Hoop of Life is also a circle. On this Hoop, there is a place for every species, every race, every tree, and every plant. It is this completeness of Life that must be respected in order to bring about health on this planet.”
~Dave Chief-Oglala Lakota~

Sometimes, I can be a little dense not being able to see the forest through the trees. I also been told I must live in a dream world, yeah right. Life is not always viewed through rose-colored glasses, but I tried to wear them every chance I got. What can I say, I liked the cheery color. Okay, enough of the clichés and get back to the point I’m trying to make.

Sometimes, I thought an achievement needed to be monumental or else it doesn’t count. That’s how I viewed most of “my” adult life. I gave it my best shot when I gave 120%. I was at times an overachiever. I was competitive in my personal life and in business, the typical Type A personality. I was also accused of flitting around like an unsettled fly when something needed to be done or was out of place. I fidgeted (I know, I know...the term is OCD) until it got done or forced myself to walk away, wondering if anyone else noticed, and if it bugged them too. You know, like that crooked picture in a public place, or the piece of rice balancing on the man’s beard which is sitting in the booth in front of you at an upscale restaurant. It’s hard to restrain yourself from doing or saying something about it. In today’s world, I would probably be accused of shoplifting if I tipped the picture, or the stacked brunette sitting across from the man in the booth would threaten me with the nearest steak knife, then badger the poor guy all the way home about the “other woman.” Yep, I can picture that happening, and I’ll bet you can too!

So back to the big picture and yes, I am taking the long way around. Sorry. Well, I looked at the whole panoramic picture. I couldn’t find myself, “Someone must have painted over that portion,” I told myself. The artist surely must have made a mistake. I fretted over decisions I made, and those I didn’t have any control of. Recently, we chose to live a simple life with simple pleasures, like the “old” days. It worked for a while, and then I lost sight of what I was trying to accomplish and reverted back to my old habits and ways of thinking. My thinking isn’t about the amount of material things we own, like the saying, “Those with the most toys wins?” I often wondered, what exactly do they win? They can’t take their possessions with them in the end, and quite frankly, the behavior bores those who they compete against. What I lost was the inner peace, and being content with who I am.

Yesterday, I heard the voice of a stranger loud and clear in the form of an email. She thanked me for my written words of encouragement on an Internet suicide site I posted on over a year ago. She has been following my blogs since. I don’t know where she lives or how old she is, but, I know her name and that makes her very real. I get many emails after I post from people who don't want others to see their comments, but this particular one was special. The reason it’s special is because her words touched my heart and it had perfect timing. It’s not fair to disclose anymore than I have already said about her. It is I who should be thanking her, and everyone else with his or her kind words of encouragement and healing energy. I very sincerely, Thank You!

Let me back up a bit, most of those who read or subscribe to my blog know about my fight with depression. It’s been out of the bag for a while and I work on my positive thinking daily. For months, I have prayed diligently to God to hear my pleas. I prayed to please give me purpose and clarity or let me die. People, who don’t suffer with depression, just don’t get it. I have it, and I don’t get it either. I tell myself it’s all in my DNA and I can rise above it. Right? Yes, I can and I have, but it’s not easy. I know you don’t want to keep hearing the same damn thing every time I write, so, I’ll zip it.

In the exact words of my friend, “And the dawn came up like thunder!”

The Southern Gospel Choir is now singing, “Halleluiah, Halleluiah!”

Something finally clicked as I read this young girl’s letter. I don’t know who is responsible for the quote, “ Q. How do we change the world? A. With one single act of random kindness at a time.” Every time I post something, whether it’s on the Constipated Woman or other public forums, I may be touching another through my words. Yes, I admit I am hardheaded and deaf to believe God actually heard my prayers. I don’t know why, because he has answered countless others. And, I have to remind myself it’s not the monumental things that matter, but the kind words of another, a smile or a small insignificant gesture. You know, all the good stuff we attempt to pay forward!

I am lucky enough to know two women of Native American Indian descent, both spiritual, and both supportive. Everyone who has friends like that should be thankful to have that special kinship. You know who you are, and Thank You for the continuous flow of positive energy!

God Bless & Peace to All.