...Why constipation? This is why...

“I am woman watch me grow

See me standing toe to toe

As I spread my lovin' arms across the land

But I'm still an embryo

With a long long way to go

Until I make my brothers understand...”

~Helen Reddy “I Am Woman”

I recently had lunch with a friend that I had not seen in a few years, due to our busy and changing lives. Catching up is nearly impossible to do in a couple hours, especially when you have family, children and grandchildren to talk about, not to mention a new marriage in the mix. Time flew by quickly and it was unfortunate that the employees at the café was giving us more than a few subtle hints without actually coming out and rudely saying, “Go home!” We really weren’t there very long, and certainly, we wouldn’t have decided to experience the new establishment if we knew they were about to close. If I recall, the hours of operation was not posted, or maybe they were and we didn’t notice. Anyway...

The short lunch didn’t dampen our afternoon, so, before going back to my friend’s home, we visited the owner of one of the town’s two hardware stores. This particular hardware store has been serving the community for many years and is a bit of an icon in the small town where I used to live, along with the lovely woman who owns it. She was as surprised to see me (it was probably the blond hair that threw her off), as much as I was delighted to see her. One subject led to another, and the topic of conversation led to the recent completion of my first novel. I gave her and a few others a quick synopsis without giving too much of the story away, then my friend told the owner about my blog and thought it might be something she would be interested in. After a short introduction about the blog and the purpose behind it, we had a lengthily exchange of theories why women have a need to find themselves when we reach a certain age. She then asked me what my blog was called, I knew I was going to hear the usual laugh and I nonchalantly said, “The Constipated Woman.” A few aisles over and obviously in earshot, I heard a man snicker which in turn made all who was part of the discussion chuckle too. I smiled and conveyed that the name is an attention getter, after all, isn’t that what every blogger wants?

So, what’s so constipated about it?” he inquires. That certainly was a loaded question, and since he was the only man in the store, I was polite. For those of you who know me, really I was (I mean, I really am…polite that is)! I explained I chose the title many years ago when I thought I was literally going to explode. I went on to tell them how I kept “it” all inside without ever expressing my feelings or my opinion, and getting angrier at myself and those around me for feeling helpless for not having the guts to do it, thus, getting more constipated. I wanted to tell everyone just what I thought about everything without naming names, no bars hold, like the style of an Erma Bombeck or Anne Lamott type book, but not be so politically correct, or “nice.”

I put it in plain words that constipation is a condition in which the emptying of waste matter is infrequent and difficult, and I wanted to create a forum to work like a laxative, where women (and men) could vent freely. Hence, the blog was born. He expressed his amusement with laughter and shook his head. I can imagine what he was thinking when he eyed me with a silly smirk before exiting the store. He nudged his wife and said, “I think I will now be referred to as the constipated mathematician.” And, I said with a wide grin, “Whatever it takes to feel better.”

How many women or men alike do you think hold “it” all in? More folks than you can imagine. Some people are fortunate enough to expel regularly, and the people who know them practically expect it. In fact, they could even set their watches by the explosive bouts.

I remember the expressions on a few people’s faces when I mentioned over dinner how furious I was at someone when I asked them, “Have you ever been so angry at someone that you wanted to shove gas soaked rags down their throat and set their f*%*!*g head on fire?” I felt an intense chill and I think I even clenched my jaw. “What the hell?” said one of the people sitting across from me. It was an awkward moment indeed. They sat on the edge of their seats stunned and wide-eyed. My ears couldn’t believe the words actually came out of my dainty little mouth, but there it was, unrehearsed. I have to admit, it was mildly liberating to break the Female Code of Conduct. One of my dinner companions was completely speechless, while the other produced a nervous laugh in the back of his throat. “And, who are you talking about?” he reluctantly asked. “No one in particular,” I answered.

Everyone glanced briefly at one another and I was I convinced they were thinking, “Okay, she’s finally lost it…haha hehe hoho!” How could that calm, don’t make waves, “nice” kind of person actually mention (out loud) doing something that horrific to someone. I don’t think they believed me when I said it was only a hypothetical question. My purpose was to provoke a reaction and I did…honestly, that’s all it was! (It’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it…)

That’s an example of what I wanted to accomplish. Have I done it? No…not exactly. I had to get other issues out of the way first. I tried to get my point across in a roundabout way without making my readers feel uncomfortable. This blog has been a healing process with the support of some very special people. I have received numerous emails from people who do not wish to comment publicly and share their personal stories about depression, rape, incest, and abuse. In a sense, this little blog has become a healing chain for them and for me. I have spent many hours reading and answering all the correspondence. I have made many friends on this journey, some whom I will sadly; never get the opportunity to meet. We became friends because of a common component…NEED…we all need something. Whether it’s acceptance, validation, love, or understanding, we need to understand the why of it all and nurture ourselves.

I would like to extend an invitation to comment and share your “Constipated” story. Make us laugh or make us cry, it doesn’t matter because it’s all about the journey and how we get where to where we need to be. Sound off, let your hair down and express whatever it is you need to say about anything you've bottled up for heaven knows how long. Everyone has a story!

P.S. I invite you subscribe to The Constipated Woman and have this blog deposited in your inbox. The best thing about it is, you can always remain Anonymous.

Soon, I will be posting guest blogs from other readers and subscribers.  If you would like to submit some candid thoughts, please send your submission to my email or visit me on Facebook.

Until next time…God Bless!