...Another example of, "Here's Your Sign"...

Setting: A warm sunny afternoon in the mountains.  We’ve been driving with no place in particular enjoying the colors of autumn when the thought of ice cream becomes desirable. There weren’t any ice cream parlors nearby, so we pulled into McDonalds.

Voice: “Welcome to McDonald’s. Would you like to try a warm apple pie?”
Spouse: “No thank you. Two ice cream cones, please.”
Voice: “Your total is $1.08. Pay at the first window.”
Spouse: “I ordered two cones.”
Voice:  Hesitation. “Yes, I got that. Pay at the first window.”
Spouse: Do you suppose she took two separate orders? I shrugged my shoulders and considered where we were. “Who knows,” I replied.
Spouse: Pushes the order button and states, “I ordered two ice cream cones.”
Voice: “Yes, I know. Please pull up to the first window.”
Spouse: Shakes head and pulls up to the first window to pay. “That will be $1.08,” she says with her hand out.
Spouse: “I ordered two cones.”
Voice: “I know. It will be $1.08, and another $1.08 for the second order.”
Spouse: Hands the attendant $2.16 for both orders.
Voice: “Your change is $1.08,” and hands him back $1.08. “The second order will also be $1.08.”
Spouse: “Really? No kidding.” He scrunched his face and looked at me in disbelief. Shook his head and handed her the $1.08 for the second cone. “Stupidity knows no boundaries,” he says.

We drive up to second window to receive our order, another employee slides open the window and my husband chuckled, (I was really hoping he wasn’t going to comment on the first employee who I am referring to as ‘the voice’) and said, “Now I really got my laughs for the day,” pointing to the vinyl sign on the outside of the drive thru window.

I noticed the employee had a puzzled look on her face and once again, my spouse pointed to the sign that read, ‘Braille menu available.’
Spouse: “Duh…Now why would a person at a drive thru window need a Braille menu?”

Employee Two: She shrugged her shoulders. Dumbfounded she says, “I don’t know, but if you come inside you can see the whole Braille menu.”
I am trying to control my laughter as he hands me my cone. “I don’t think she got it,” I whispered, not wanting to hurt her feelings.
Spouse: “I’m sorry, but could you clarify this for me? If I am driving, why would I need a Braille menu?”

I was sure from the pissed off look on her face she was ready to get the manager to take care of the smart-ass patron harassing her. Obviously, she still didn’t get it.

Spouse: “I’ll answer for you,” he said amused. “If I needed a Braille menu I certainly wouldn’t be driving.”
Employee Two: “Why?” She shook her head and with a sarcastic expression, she let out a loud sigh.
Spouse: In a slow and deliberate manner he answered her question, “Because it would mean I would be blind.”
The girl at the window laughed, “Oh yeah.” You know, the kind of laugh that tells you she still didn’t get what blindness had to do with a Braille menu. We lost it when she said, “Remember, the next time you come back you’ll need to come inside to read the Braille menu.”

We were still kidding about the McDonald’s incident when we arrived at the mall a short time later. Dillard’s was offering a gift with purchase that I like to take advantage of. I didn’t recognize a couple new faces at the cosmetics counter among the familiar ones who were assisting other customers. The girl who waited on me certainly was pleasant enough and got the product I came to purchase. Then she came out with a great sales pitch about a similar product I should try. I told her no thank you because I was pleased with the results of the moisturizer I always use. Not wanting to lose a probable high dollar sale, she asks, “Can I ask which eye cream you use?” I mentioned that I get the same results from using the same moisturizing cream for my face, neck and my eyes. Her eyes widened and with complete astonishment, and she leaned closer to me as she assessed my skin. “Oh no,” she said shaking her head. “You can’t use the same products for your eyes that you use on your face. You could have some serious affects because of it…you could go blind or worse yet, the area around could melt or worse.”

I couldn’t help myself. I really didn’t think she was serious and I broke out laughing, my husband had to walk away because I thought his head was going to explode. “You’re kidding, right?” I giggled.

No, I honestly don’t think she was, kidding, that is. I’m not sure how to exactly describe the expression she displayed towards me. Was she appalled that I laughed? I don’t know. But, I am certain she was genuinely misinformed. I regained my composure and calmly mentioned that I’ve been using the same product for several years, and if I used all the products the company suggests a woman use to maintain a youthful appearing complexion, I would go broke.

Bill Engvall’s tag, “Here’s Your Sign” comes to mind in situations like the ones I just described. Engvall metaphorically gives these people a sign declaring their stupidity as a warning to others interacting with this person. Who knows, maybe we just happened to interact with some nice folks who were having less than a perfect day. We caught them off their game and therefore, seemed a little off-balance. Admit it, we all have those “dork fish” moments, I know I have. Some people refer to them as blond moments, senior moments, brain farts, or a barrage of other sometimes, unflattering terms when an ordinary person momentarily loses their sense of logic, and says or does something dumb. Abraham Lincoln’s quote also comes to mind in these type situations, “Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

Have you ever watched ‘The Tonight Show’ when Jay Leno interviews random people on the street when he’s Jay Walking? The last interview I remember was when Jay asked a twenty-something year old woman, how many stars were on a flag that was whipping in the wind? She said she couldn’t count them because it (the flag) wouldn’t stop moving. What did these clueless people learn in school? It’s obvious from her answer she would also be clueless about the meaning of the stars, stripes, and what the colors of the flag represented. I know common sense is not taught, it is learned from basic practical knowledge and judgment through experience. But come on people, what are our young people being taught in school? This is the generation who will be making the decisions when we are old. Scary, isn’t it?

Peace...