...Bad Boys & Why We Love Them...

“…Sometimes I'm a strong man

Sometimes cold and scared

And sometimes I cry

But that time I saw you

Knew with you to light my nights

Somehow I'd get by…”

~Stevie Nicks, Leather and Lace

The setting: Menacing clouds continued to move in and hover our little cabin. Thunder rolled and lightening eerily illuminated the darkness. The rain plummeted against the windows and roof with force. It’s nearly midnight and a few friends, girlfriends to be specific, got together. The torrential rain made it impossible to travel unlit flooded roads. The local radio station broadcasted tornado warnings for several more hours, and with the affects of too much wine, we declared it a sleepover. After all, no one had to be anywhere specific the next morning.

I suppose one wouldn’t think of middle-aged women having a sleepover, but the thought of our younger days made us giggle at the suggestion of having an old-fashioned pajama party. Why not, we may be getting older, but some of us refuse to grow up! Candles burned and the conversations varied like the shadows on the wall from the flickering flames. The last and the longest topic we talked about was about boys. Yes, even at our age we still talk about boys like we were teenagers again. Specifically, the conversation was mainly about bad boys and what the attraction to them is. We all dated a few of these stereotyped boys, and a couple of us married them. (Most guys are probably rolling their eyes, you don’t have to finish reading the blog, but I invite you to stay.) Many of the women who have read the first sentence have their eyebrows raised and are now sitting on the edge of their chairs, thinking this may be juicy reading. The rhetoric from a few lit women won’t nearly be as spicy as it was that night, so, I’m just going to highlight the night in a PG rating.

I believe the conversation started when one of us mentioned she wouldn’t mind if a particular movie star, put his shoes under her bed, and naturally, the more recent parts he played were about the proverbial bad boy. Well…after we wiped the drool from our lips, and some racy comments, one thing triggered another and what followed were some observations about the bad boys we have known.  
Some women/girls just happen to think bad boy types are more fun than the jock type guys. Often their boyish mannerisms, no matter what their age, these naughty guys take themselves less seriously, and are often the sexiest. Besides a simmering sensuality, these guys possess a strong physical presence…part primal, part alpha male, with a big dose of testosterone mixed in. They’re the sorts of men most women want to be with. The problem is, they’re likely to be in bed with someone else while you sit around waiting for a phone call.

The bad boys I’m talking about are not the social renegades wreaking havoc in society or the pretty boy toy types. It’s the rugged, Clint Eastwood kind of guy, not the accountant, or in the terms of my generation, the greaser, not the frat boy. Remember all the girls who fell for “The Fonz” in the TV series Happy Days? With the snap of his fingers, girls came cooing from all directions. It certainly wasn’t ole Potsy or Richie Cunningham they were interested in going after. Then there’s John Travolta in the role of bad boy, Vinnie Barbarino in Welcome Back Kotter, or the greaser part Danny Zuko, which the good girl Sandy Olson (Olivia Newton-John) fell for in Grease. The list of examples goes on and on. You see them at the movies, you read about them, and they are the subjects of country songs. These bad boys tempt women because most women find them hot, unpredictable, and mysterious. As outsider types, they are misunderstood or in need of redemption. They’re not bad men/bad boys, they just don’t play by the rules. They often have secrets, and often have been wronged in the past, making it a journey to have their faith in humanity restored.

When we got together for our little tête-à-tête, none of us imagined that we’d talk about this particular subject for the length of time we dedicated to it. (I see you guys rolling your eyes again…Quit! Unless, you’re one of the bad boys, I’m talking about! In that case, read on and let me know if we were off base.) These are some more qualities we discussed to be intrinsic of a bad boy. Bad boys tend to be a lighter sort of guy, not light enough to be considered happy-go-lucky, optimistic, or in any way traditional. The bad boys we’ve known were rule breakers and full of sass and brass, some came with a swagger and a deliberate grin that made you blush. They drove motorcycles and wore leather; they loved hot cars and drove them way too fast. There is something a little dangerous, sexy, irresistible, and macho about a bad boy. They are usually flawed, they’re risk takers, and they are impossible. We feared them and we loved them. They are the type of men women/girls are attracted to despite their mother’s warnings. They’re rebellious and yet magnetic, sort of like heat seeking missiles. Some of the bad boys even come from the wrong side of the tracks, and hated authority. Yet, they were memorable because they were often the most honest and even principled guys we dated. I wondered if the bad boys I crossed paths were somehow emotionally tortured, and haven’t reconciled their needs for love and family.

Most of the time, they avoid or have a hard time admitting they have vulnerabilities. And, the women who are drawn to them stay for the excitement and the thrill of the ride they provide. These bad boys were usually interested in freedom and adventure, over security and safety. Usually, they were unconstrained, untamed, highly promiscuous, and some considered themselves the black sheep of the family. They were not interested in maintaining a certain reputation. They were cocky, straightforward, and extremely self-assured. Bad boys are typically less than noble, or as under control as the straight-laced good guy. The overall conclusion is even when these bad boys are breaking hearts, seeking revenge, or walking barely on the right side of the law, we sometimes empathize with them and are truly fascinated by what makes them tick.

Are you wondering if the women/girls who are drawn to bad boys are bad girls? No, not necessarily. Many times, it’s not the aggressive female who is attracted to these types, but the good girls. The quiet, awkward, don’t make waves kind of girl who were never accepted into a group by their fellow peers, or the wallflowers that were bullied. They are magnetically drawn to the bad boys to be rescued, for protection and acceptance. Perhaps, some women/girls are able to express themselves more honestly and freely with a bad boy, finding friendship and not necessarily a relationship. Unfortunately, for most good girls who hook up with one of these alpha males types, they are sorry to say, penned with the same title, many times strictly by association. It’s the way society thinks. Oh yes, don’t get me wrong, there are the bad girls, and there are the bitches, an entirely different breed from the Pollyanna types who does a complete 180 because they no longer want to be someone’s verbal punching bag. But, that’s entirely a different blog for another day.