Finding my way...

Have you ever listened to a song and as the day went by you couldn’t get that song out of your head? The song just keeps playing over and over on that turntable in your mind until it wears a grove in the vinyl and you begin to sing something foolish out loud like, “Mamma’s little babies like shortnin’ bread…” or “If I only had a brain…”

Have you ever started to think about something that didn’t make you happy, and the more you thought about it, the worse it seemed? In a matter of minutes, you are consumed with so many miserable thoughts and the situation seems to be getting worse. The more you think about what made you unhappy, the more upset you get.

I’m the first to raise my hand. I am guilty of these things. My life is reflections of many dominate thoughts because it was what I experienced. I am learning to quit complaining, because I seem to find more things to complain about. I don’t want to hear other people complain, because I focus on their problems and I don’t want to attract more situations for me to complain about. By the way, if I start complaining, I wish someone would tell me to shut up too!

I didn’t believe it, when an old friend (she’s not that old) told me she didn’t want to be around people who exhibit negativity. She is attracted to, and only wants to be surrounded by positive people with positive energy. “It’s conducive to creativity,” she said. It made sense to me, but it was hard to put into practice for my own life when some days it was more than an effort to get out of bed.

The technique was simple, but the implementation was not.

The first thing I had to learn is to get rid of all my negative emotions like resentment, jealousy, dissatisfaction and if I continued to feel ungrateful for what I have, I would never bring more into my life. I concentrated on what I have, instead of what I don’t have, then the positive thoughts started to out-weigh my unhappy thoughts. I no longer wanted to be dominated by friends or family members who made me feel inferior. The people, who in their personal opinions, knew what was best for me, and I didn’t have the heart (or guts) to tell them, “leave me alone. It’s my life.”

Secondly, I wanted to be free of my past and the positive thoughts helped me find forgiveness. I quit thinking I had to sacrifice myself to be a good person because those thoughts only led me to feeling more resentment. My priority was making myself feel good and leave behind the feelings of unworthiness and undeserving. I am responsible for my own happiness.

The third thing I focused on was, I want to love life. I want to be surrounded by the people and things that bring purpose to my otherwise, “set in someone else’s ways,” kind of life. This is what I’m working on. I’m stopping to see what I have been missing by running too fast…The swans swimming on a back road pond, the hiking trail that led to a waterfall I passed a hundred times and never took the time to stop, the aromatic cedar mixed with jasmine in the woods after a rain, another ocean view, roads to undetermined destinations, laying in a field of flowers looking at cloud formations, seeing long lost friends…

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.
~ Helen Keller