...the pen is now back in my hand...

“You are the designer of your destiny. You are the author. You write the story. The pen is in your hand, and the outcome is whatever you choose.” ~Lisa Nichols


I began this New Year forgiving and apologizing, now it’s time to get back to living and being the upbeat person I really am. I lost myself somewhere in the past twelve months. I’m not sure exactly where Monica went. I found her shell, but her heart went unfound until recently. My personal life and relationships with family was in turmoil. To put it quite bluntly, I hit bottom as the New Year approached.

Depression…it’s not something I am proud of. My mind took over like a runaway train and had an ongoing party at my expense. I wrote about this before and there is no need to hash it over again. I appreciate the many emails I received from those of you who have inquired, “what’s up?” I’ve tried to answer most of them, and hopefully, I plan to get back on track with life in general. I’ve made some difficult decisions and I feel good about them. I’m leaving the pessimistic woman behind and saying “hello” to the woman I remember, the one grounded with the positive attitude who placed her troubles in God’s hands. I’m anxious to get back that, “what are you up to?” or as my husband would say, “that shit-eatin’grin” back on my face. I have been very fortunate to have those precious few who has come into my life and inspired, touched, and illuminated me with their positive energy and their presence. For this, I am truly blessed.

There’s a quote by John DeMartini I heard many years ago, it was one I used to live by, “Whatever we think about and thank about we bring about.” There is much wisdom in those words. I haven’t thought much about those words until recently. Negative thoughts block the good things that can come to you, which is exactly what I did. Every day, I woke up with the lack of gratitude that God has given me another day to live. And, even though it may be a Chamber of Commerce picture perfect day, I couldn’t see the sun nor did I strain to find it. Many of us were taught to put ourselves last, and as a consequence, we begin to feel unworthy and undeserving. I am learning to change my lifetime habits by changing my thoughts. It may sound cold and harsh, but unless I can fill myself up with the good things of life, I have nothing to give anybody.

So, today, I saw the morning in a different light and I smiled when my feet hit the floor. I felt the familiar odd sensation brewing inside my heart, and thought, “Oh yes, it is good to be alive!” The stereo speakers released unconstrained rhythms off the walls throughout the house, and it made me smile as I thought about the special people in my world. And, if I’m not mistaken, I could almost swear that the brightly colored cardinal that was perched on the feeder next to the kitchen window was singing, “Welcome back to the magic of life!”

~Thank you, Jack for starting my day with this awesome NM sunrise!